Why was Abraham so particular about whom his son Isaac would marry?
After Sarah’s burial, Abraham turned his attention to finding Isaac a wife. They lived in the land of Canaan, but he instructed his trusted servant – identified in traditional commentary as Eliezer – not to choose a woman from among the Canaanites. Instead, he was to travel to Abraham’s relatives in Aram-Naharaim, to the city of Nahor.
Rashi (Genesis 24:39) explains that Eliezer himself had a daughter whom he hoped Isaac would marry. He had served Abraham faithfully for many years, yet even his daughter was not considered a suitable match. Eliezer descended from Canaan, whom Noah had cursed, while Isaac belonged to Abraham’s blessed family. Abraham therefore told him that this marriage was not suitable.
Rabbi Avigdor Miller discusses Abraham’s determination to preserve his family’s dedication to serving Hashem. He wanted Isaac to establish a home built on that commitment.
Eliezer traveled to Abraham’s relatives, where he met Rebecca. After arranging the marriage and obtaining her agreement, he brought her home. Isaac married Rebecca, loved her, and found comfort after his mother’s death (Genesis 24:67).
Isaac also helped his father remarry after Sarah’s death. Rashi (Genesis 24:62) explains that Isaac went to bring back Hagar, whom Abraham had sent away at Sarah’s instruction, so his father could marry her again. Abraham helped arrange his son’s marriage, and Isaac helped arrange his father’s.
Helping Someone Marry Is a Torah Obligation of Kindness
Helping someone marry is known as hachnasat kallah, literally “bringing in the bride.” It includes practical and financial assistance for those who cannot afford the necessary wedding expenses, as well as honoring the couple and participating in their wedding celebration.
Rambam (Hilchot Avel 14:1) includes helping a bride among the obligations of kindness established by the Sages. He places it alongside visiting the sick, comforting mourners, welcoming guests, and caring for the deceased. These commandments are also included in the Torah’s broader commandment to love another person as oneself.
The daily morning prayers also mention this Torah commandment, or Torah obligation. In the passage beginning Eilu Devarim, we recite a list of commandments, including welcoming guests, visiting the sick, and helping a bride. These are among the deeds whose benefits a person enjoys in this world while the principal reward remains for the World to Come.
Why Helping People Marry Receives Priority in Jewish Law
The financial burden of marriage can be especially difficult for someone who has little money or no family able to help. Shulchan Aruch (Yoreh De’ah 249:15) gives exceptional importance to using charity funds to help poor unmarried young women marry, describing this as one of the greatest forms of charity.
The Gemara (Ketubot 67b) discusses the needs of orphaned young people who cannot afford to marry. When both an orphan boy and an orphan girl need marriage assistance, the girl receives priority because of her greater embarrassment.
The Torah Sage Who Put an Orphan Couple Before His Own Daughter
Rabbi Elazar of Bartota (Ta’anit 24a) was so generous that charity collectors would hide whenever they saw him approaching. They knew he might give away almost everything he had.
One day, he went to the marketplace to purchase clothing for his daughter’s wedding. When he noticed the collectors trying to avoid him, he followed them and asked whom they were collecting for. They explained that they were raising money to arrange a marriage between an orphan boy and an orphan girl.
Rabbi Elazar immediately declared that the orphan couple came before his own daughter. He handed over all the money he had brought for her wedding purchases, keeping only one zuz, a small silver coin. With that remaining coin, he bought a little wheat, brought it home, and placed it in the granary before leaving to study Torah.
When his wife returned home, she asked their daughter what her father had purchased. Their daughter replied that he had placed something in the granary. His wife went to look and discovered that the granary had miraculously filled with wheat.
Giving Money With Respect and Encouragement
Rabbi Avigdor Miller describes a father who asks for financial assistance because he needs money to help his children marry. The giver should contribute as generously as he reasonably can and accompany his gift with warm, encouraging words.
The Main Lesson
Helping couples marry is a meaningful act of kindness and communal responsibility. By supporting them with generosity and respect, we help build Jewish families and fulfill an important Torah commandment.
